Hello every body! I know that there must have been a great deal of speculums on my ware abouts over the passed ten (10) months. The truth is that I will answer this question for you right now. Much things has occurred in my life, and I will enumerate them for you now in part one of the first part of a two part series of my year. Here is the first part. The second part will follow on a different day than this one.
March: This is the month in which Julius Ceezer was killed. He was always my favorite dick tater, because he made a salad with anchovies, which I love for there taste and for being rich in the nutrient of sodium. I decided to make his assassassin find out, a man named Brutus. Of course he has past on, as the killing of Ceezer was at least a hundred years ago. So I decided to make someone find out whose name sounded alike to Brutus. But then I found out that Bluto from Popeye is a cartoon character and only real in the minds of children who I guess are crazy. So I decided that Pluto who is the dog of "Mickey" the mouse sounded like Bluto, but I ran into a similar problem with that plan. Well, my friends, I went through many names, comparing one to the last, much like a game of Tele-phones. In the end, I wound up where I always seem to wind up when I wind up: Standing over the bloody corpse of a cleaning lady at TJ Maxx. As the life drained from her lifeless body, I uddered the ironical phrase "Ett too, Brutay?" I think she knew what I was talking about for.
April: This was a month in which I lost the job that I no longer have. Sadly, the economy has been very poor, and they just weren't able to keep everyone employed, do to a loss of clients. Of course, they told me that I was let go of because of my intimidation, via death threats, of the aforementioned clients. But I knew that they were only ashamed of having the inability to keep me because of there own impoverty. In a way, I felt sorry for them. In another way, I did not, and that was the stabbing part of me.
May: This month carries the day of Memorial Day. This is a day I created to remember all the people I've killed, maimed and generally made find out over the years. I celebrated this day of remembranceing by wondering if maybe some of them did not deserve the death I brought unto them and (depending on my number of rounds of ammunition) their loved ones. After taking a long hard look in the mirror, I decided that I was extremely distorted as a result of hallucinogens. I also decided that they all deserved it, and it was back to TJ Maxx for me!
June: This is the month that the famous King of the Pops died. Mr. Michael Jackson was alive before this month and after the month, and during part of it, he was dead. Is that a coincidence? I'm don't think so. I decided that the month of June had to find out, so I threw her off a bridge. The newspapers said that it was not the month of June who perished at my deft hand, but actually a Queens mother of three named Linda Jancowicz, You know what I say? Potato, potatoes. The same thing applies for the tomato.
July: How do you beat the heat? That is a question I answered this past summer, as many members of Miami's professional basket ball club found out when they found out when they were "beaten" to death by me. Interesting note on the side: They were all very tall and also lithe.
Okay, that is all for today's segment. I will talk to you more about the rest of the year. That will be later. I wil leave you with a word or several from Miami Heat shooting guard Dwyane Wade: "Please let me go, I never did anything to you. No, put away that claw hammer oh my god my head why."
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